When Golf Story came out in 2017, it should have been dead on arrival. It is, and has always been, absolutely barking mad. There is no reason any of this should work - something I would still admit after playing through all 20 hours of the game, getting deeply obsessed with figuring out how to golf on ice, and watching an entire golf-themed MC battle between Aussie teen golfers and crusty senior citizens in woolens rapping astonishingly hard about the virtues of wooden clubs. It sneaked up on me last year and vacuumed up whole days of my life despite me a.) not really liking golf, b.) not touching a golf game since Tiger Woods PGA Tour ended in 2013, and c.) the game flexing some inventive but still primitive 2-D graphics from 1997 and dialogue better suited for Flight of the Conchords than a sports game. Golf Story is an absolutely cracked, manic, and supremely confident 16-bit banger for the Nintendo Switch. None of the Tiger Woods games have a scene where you have to hit a child in the ear with a five-iron shot in the name of heroism. Yes, this even beats any version of a Tiger Woods golf game. They all come in second place to Golf Story, an absolutely lunatic tale of an ugly-swinging underdog playing their way through golf’s heartbreaks and triumphs. There are golf games where your character is not openly scammed and humiliated by his swing coach for the first quarter of play. There are fancier golf games with more complex graphics, ones that didn’t just jump straight out of the processors of an ancient, smoking Sega Genesis. There might be other games where players can drill dim children in the head with golf balls. The kid’s head wobbles, and his mother says “His head didn’t used to do that” before hustling out of frame.) Get the wind and trajectory right, tap three times to drive, drill the kid straight in the ear, and watch him yell “CRIKEY” before he returns to shore. The solution to the problem turns out to be pretty simple. She’s tried everything to get his attention - would you please give it a try before he gets eaten? Her idiot child sits on a tiny boat in a water hazard. At one point early in Golf Story, the hero is asked by a panicked mother for help.
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